Sunday, October 29, 2006

CDC Warns of Virulent New STD

Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning

about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted

This disease is contracted through dangerous and high
risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim
(pronounced "gonna re-elect him").

Many victims have contracted it after having been
screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken
measures to protect themselves from this especially
troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with
Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to:

  1. Antisocial personality disorder traits;
  2. Delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor;
  3. Chronic mangling of the English language;
  4. Extreme cognitive dissonance;
  5. Inability to incorporate new information;
  6. Pronounced xenophobia;
  7. Inability to accept responsibility for actions;
  8. Exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
  9. Uncontrolled facial smirking;
  10. Ignorance of geography and history;
  11. Tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;
  12. A strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.

The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and
epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this
malignant condition originated only a few years ago in a
Texas Bush.

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