CDC Warns of Virulent New STD

Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning

about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted
disease.

This disease is contracted through dangerous and high
risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim
(pronounced "gonna re-elect him").

Many victims have contracted it after having been
screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken
measures to protect themselves from this especially
troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with
Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to:

1. Antisocial personality disorder traits;
   
2. Delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor;
   
3. Chronic mangling of the English language;
   
4. Extreme cognitive dissonance;
   
5. Inability to incorporate new information;
6. Pronounced xenophobia;
   
7. Inability to accept responsibility for actions;
   
8. Exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
   
9. Uncontrolled facial smirking;
   
10. Ignorance of geography and history;
    
11. Tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;
12. A strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.

The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and
epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this
malignant condition originated only a few years ago in a
Texas Bush.